Movies to look forward to in 2023

I'm sure that there are going to be a lot of unexpected gems this year, but these movies will be the best and if they're anything less than I will be terminally disappointed.

Cocaine Bear

I saw a trailer for this movie that I thought was parody. It's not. It's a real movie. How can you not be excited about this? A drug runner ditches a bunch of cocaine somewhere over the US. A bear gets ahold of a brick and chaos ensues. Based on a true story!

Oppenheimer

I generally loathe Christopher Nolan movies. Overly complicated, self-important bores on the whole, but there's something about Nolan handling Oppenheimer and the Trinity test that makes me believe that it's going to be an amazing film.

Dune: Part Two

The first part of Denis Villeneuve's sci-fi epic, Dune, was amazing and set up the political and social conflicts of the story so that the second part will become a kind of catharsis fest. Can Austin Butler beat Sting's performance as Feyd Rautha?

Indiana Jones 5

Not too old for another adventure, I'll keep watching Indiana Jones movies until they stop making them. However, I do wish they had rebooted it about ten years ago. Everyone complained about Shia Lebeouf, but I didn't think he was so bad even though he's a crazy person now.

Mad Max: The Wasteland

Oh, what a day! What a lovely day! What a lovely day it will be when they release the next Mad Max film. Is this a real poster for the new movie? If so, who's the guy on the bottom left because he looks like Jim from accounting who got lost on a set one day.

Asteroid City

Don't care what it is, don't care what you call me, don't care what kind of hipster trash it is, I'll watch anything that Wes Anderson puts to film.

Star Trek 4

Hope it happens, but all these goddamn nerds continuously bitching about Star Trek and how it doesn't live up to their insane standards are going to ruin anything fun left in the world.

John Wick 4

Like, whaaat! I can't wait to see what John Wick has to murder this time. I'm going to go into it blind so that I'll be surprised when John Wick's hamster gets killed by poisoned hamster cage chips and then he needs to go and kill Monsanto. Or something like that.

Paint

Is that Owen Wilson in a Bob Ross biopic? Be still my heart. This is going to be adorable.

Renfield

Similarly to "Paint" I'm going to watch this movie just for the actor, in this case Nicolas Cage as Dracula. You cannot look me in the hairy eyeball and tell me that won't be incredibly entertaining.